WordsmithToYou

Friday, May 3, 2013

My Heart Would Stop When I Had to Parallel Park and Other Irrational Fears

I.
If you happen to frequent this blog [thank you for your patronage…Hi mom] then it is no surprise to you that I originally hail from the City of Angels. For the purposes of this post, let us call it, The Land of Abundant Parking and Sunshine. Perhaps it was a regional quirk or perhaps it was a bout of good luck before the rules altered, but parallel parking was not a requirement on my driving test, oh-so-many moons ago. While we are on the topic, here is my mitzvah for all aspiring California drivers: I speak from tragic experience when I implore you not to wear a beautiful light blue turtleneck to take your driver’s license photograph, which displays a beautiful light blue background, for you will look like a floating head ten years hence. 

As I was saying, after years of spacious parking lots and eager valet attendants, the mysterious phenomenon eluded me…. and then I migrated to the east coast. Based on parking space alone, it’s no wonder that whole Manifest Destiny thing really took off. As my quarter-laden purse conjures the wistfulness of a reindeer’s jingle bells, metered parking has become my sanctuary. I have circled blocks, wiped sweaty palms and walked from sensational distances all to avoid the pressure.

II.
To this day, recalling the first date I went on after my Supposed-To-Be-Forever person and I ended puts a knot in my stomach. Each gesture or word spoken was unfairly compared to his predecessor and I spent half the time mentally framing a very detailed Pros and Cons document. Miserable seems to be the word I am looking for here and, in my eyes, nothing was ever going to “click” again. Pretty depressing realization for a 22 year old, n’est-ce pas? I kept breathing, so my overly-dramatic death from sadness hypothesis didn’t quite pan out and as long as I remained above ground I felt I shouldn’t waste the light. But no matter how many smiles or “it was really nice meeting you(s)” I feigned, I discovered the fundamental cause of my doldrums was fear. I was afraid misery would find me all over again, afraid to meet a new family, absorb new childhood memories or laugh so hard with someone new that I betrayed the memories of the old someone.

III.
Years later, while circling the block for a tractor-sized space, The Manfriend asked me why I had passed up several normal-sized spots directly in front of our destination. I probably mumbled some nonsensical response to which he replied, “Stop whining. I am teaching you how to do this and we are not getting out of the car until you get it.” Now, a lover of metaphors and other literary tools could spin a beautiful narrative about how “love is a journey, and as long as you stay in the car, everything will be alright” or “the man who taught you to love again also taught you to park properly” but I will not go that route. Instead, my lovely readers, I will say, that fears only seem rational when there is no one there to tell you otherwise. You can be afraid to let yourself feel something for someone again and you can even be afraid to tackle the public humiliation of parking on a crowded, Boston street but my hope for you is that you find someone who makes you forget those fears existed.

Signed,

Parallel Parking Goddess.


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